


Float

by yoongqi



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Season 3 aftermath, Stiles Has Nightmares, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Stydia basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 04:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1843672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoongqi/pseuds/yoongqi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knows how to talk about drowning, but Lydia shows him that he needs to learn how to talk about floating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Float

**Author's Note:**

> This is an entry for a one-shot competition on Wattpad that I decided to enter so... hopefully it doesn't suck. Enjoy!

Stiles does not pride himself in the fact that he refuses to to break down in front of others. Still, he must remind himself that that mindset is not something innately a part of him, but something that developed over time and straight from his own experiences. The cataclysmic event was definitely when his mom slowly withered and died, which, in turn, resulted in his dad crumbling for a year and leaving him virtually alone. Now, of course, Stiles doesn't hold that against his dad - he loved his mom a lot - but that crushing blow of watching a loved one unravel was all it took to teach him to be a rock that doesn't crumble. 

Granted, since gaining Scott as a friend, Stiles is a little more okay with letting his guard down around him, but only minisculely so. Since all this werewolf business especially and Scott getting turned, Stiles knows it's his job to be support for his friend and to help him through it, even if he's having trouble coping himself. 

Now though, their circle of friends has expanded. Now there's Lydia, Derek, Kira… and there was Allison, of course (but that still hurts too much to think about). Along with that expanding, so did the supernatural realm they were exposed to. Suddenly, it wasn't just werewolves and hunters, but now Kanimas and Darachs and Kitsunes, each threat bigger than the last. Stiles is getting more and more piled on him with more and more people watching and he has to be careful - so damn careful - to catch all of them and not let them collapse. 

The only other person who's really seen him as vulnerable as Scott and his dad has is Lydia. Now, the panic attacks are something that can't really be helped and even when his mind is screaming for him to stay cool, Stiles can't. Therefore, while sure, his whole history class has seen him breaking down, only his dad, Scott, and Lydia are the ones who could really catch him.

Even then, it's still like falling… then drowning.

"Stiles?" 

The voice belongs to Lydia and Stiles finds himself having trouble focusing on her voice. He had just drifted off into thought at his desk so he didn’t even hear her come in, but suddenly he feels dizzy and lightheaded too, and his heartbeat is rising in his ears. 

"Stiles? A- are you okay?" 

He knows that they've all been worried. Since being released from the Nogitsune's hold, Stiles has been cooping himself up in his house. He'll act fine whenever Kira or Lydia comes around or when Scott drags him outside to play catch, but the guilt is still heavy on his heart. They all keeping telling him it wasn't his fault, but there is so much blood on his hands that it feels like it hardly makes a difference.

He needs to escape. The room suddenly feels too cramped and without any sort of rationality, Stiles thinks it might be the best option to jump out the window now, just to get away. That's when he realizes: It's a panic attack. 

"I'm drowning," he blurts suddenly, spinning around and trying to focus on Lydia standing in the doorway instead of the overwhelmingly crushing terror threatening to stop his heart. "I- I can't-" 

He doesn't know how to even finish his sentence, but before he can Lydia is already at his side, strawberry blonde hair whipping around her face like a wild mane. "It's another panic attack?" She says, voice squeaking a little at the end. 

Stiles nods quickly, face scrunching up in a pain that is physical simply because it is mental. He doesn’t know why he'd said he was drowning before, but now he suddenly does. He wants to be able to let go and just float away into the depths, but he can't, dammit. He keeps telling himself to calm down but his first instinct is to thrash and fight and never let the water through. 

"Can't breathe," he chokes out again, and Lydia's hands are on his back, attempting to rub soothing circles into his spine. "Can't." 

Lydia is far from experienced regarding his panic attacks - she only witnessed one, after all - but she's a little calmer this time around. There's still obvious worry etched into her features, but she's not babbling on the way he does on a daily basis, where the mind just can’t catch up with the mouth. She's almost silent at first and the only noise in the room is his stupid, weak-sounding pants. 

"Voluntary apnea," Lydia finally says, voice quiet. "It gives you more time to fight, right?" 

Stiles distinctly remembers this same conversation with Ms. Morrell in the Counselor's Office a while ago, and while he wants to know how Lydia knows about it, he can't be bothered right now. He's still floundering, paradoxically trying to drown and swim and there's no way he's going to make it out alive.

"There's another option," Lydia continues, still rubbing his back. "You're exhausted from everything that's been happening. If you're stuck in the ocean and tired from treading water for so long, what do you do?" 

Stiles blinks hard to try and clear his vision, but everything is still a little wobbly around the edges. Still, he has a mind that has to have been wired specifically for puzzles in some way, because even now, he feels like he has to try and solve this one. Stuck in the ocean and running out of energy? The only way to stop treading and not drown is… float. 

"F- float," he gasps out, though this distraction might be helping a little bit. His chest loosens a minuscule amount and Stiles swears his heartbeat is just a little bit softer. "You have to float." 

Lydia smiles and it's not one of her snarky, you're-an-idiot smiles, but caring, sweet, and loving. (Stiles is kind of in love with both either way.) Her eyes twinkle the faintest bit and Stiles finds himself suddenly wondering how on earth she came to see him a quivering mess like this, not only once, but twice now. "You're right," she says. "Float. Relax. Take a break and figure things out." 

Stiles agrees that of course, when there's no other option floating is the last resort, but even so, you're still not safe. You're still in the freaking ocean with the imminence of drowning or dying from starvation/dehydration or being eaten by a shark or any other number of terrible deaths. Floating is only a temporary cure to a massive problem. 

When he voices this to Lydia, she smiles again, this time a little sadder. "It's worth a shot though. Floating gives you time to build up strength again to keep going. You can keep going. We need you to keep going… I need you to keep going." 

Stiles stops and just stares at this marvel in front of him. Her hand has stopped moving on his back and the room is completely silent. In fact… it's so silent that Stiles realizes his breathing is normal again and he can't hear his heartbeat without really trying to. His panic attack is gone as suddenly as it came. 

"How… how did you do that?" He breaks the silence in confusion. 

Lydia laughs a little, smile wide. "Took your mind off of it? Of course, only you would have to have an intellectual debate to stop a panic attack." 

Stiles can't help laughing too, though it comes out a little strangled sounding. "Oh ha ha, that's real rich coming from the girl who taught herself archaic Latin just for fun." His old level of sarcasm is back and for the first time in a while, Stiles feels genuinely good about absolutely nothing at all.

Lydia reaches out a hand and shoves him slightly, hiding a smile. "Shut up, it turned out to be useful, didn't it?" There's a lingering pause where Stiles has no response. Despite having some of his wit back in his consciousness, it's still not at a hundred percent yet. 

"Stiles," Lydia continues. "I know this is easier said than done, but you can't keep blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault… none of it." 

Stiles just sits there and looks at Lydia. He's been hearing that for a while now and it never makes a difference. The weight is still constricting his heart and mind, and it's just too much knowing that if he hadn't opened his damn mind so easily, none of it would've happened. "But-" 

"Stop!" Lydia is suddenly standing, taking a step back with a frustrated glare. "Stop saying that! The only one that blames you is you and it's just… just so… frustrating! That wasn't you so just get over it!" 

It's a slap in the fact and they both know it. This isn't like reprimanding an ignorant child. This isn't fighting over a toy. This is fighting over blame for the loss of life in Beacon Hills… the loss of life of one of their best friends and another werewolf one of them cared for (at the very least) and so many others. It's not something a person can just get over, yet Stiles knows she's right.

"I'm sorry," Lydia is instantly apologizing, voice softer. "But… it's frustrating to see you doing this to yourself and not listening to reason. Stop focusing on things you couldn't control and start focusing on the things you can… like getting better, letting us all in. We need you back. Stiles Stilinski and all his annoying sarcasm and figuring puzzles out and... Just- like I said, we're all worried." 

Stiles knows she's sorry and he accepts it easily. He's come to know Lydia Martin much better lately, and he knows that she means this and really is worried. He knows she's the type of person to not give up on people that really need the help, so while he should be expecting it, it's still a bit startling when she suddenly rushes into his arms, squeezing his torso tight. 

"Let me in," she whispers, so quietly Stiles wouldn't hear it if he weren't so close. "Please. I- I miss you." 

"I know," Stiles concedes after a pause. "I miss you too, and I'm sorry. I was just starting to feel like I was drowning all the time without even the panic attacks and-"

Lydia cuts him off, swiftly and with grace. "It doesn't matter," she says. "It doesn't have to be so hard, because now you can stop focusing on drowning and start focusing on floating."

➵

Lydia offers to stay the night. To Stiles, it's completely unexpected, and even more so that she persists when he refuses and tells her he'll be fine. Still, she stays, and while Stiles also knows his dad usually wouldn't be okay with that so suddenly, he doesn't say anything, likely because he's just relieved someone is getting through to his son.

So Lydia spends the night. Stiles offers her the guest room or that she can have his bed and he'll sleep on the couch, but she just gives him a look and says, "The point of me staying is so I can be here with you."

Stiles's mouth runs dry suddenly and he can do nothing but nod, okay. 

So that's how Stiles ends up in bed like usual, only with a warm body beside him and even breaths, though not even enough to show she's asleep. He thinks he should have trouble sleeping too, considering Lydia is kind of gorgeous and he's never had a girl in his bed before (sexually or otherwise), but this is okay. Something about Lydia calms him in a way no one else has ever been able to before, even Scott. 

"Lydia?" 

The response is hushed, but awake. "Yes?" 

Stiles swallows the lump in his throat. He's been having nightmares still, about everything that's happened, and half of the time he wakes up screaming from them. He's always confused and scared and vulnerable in the couple of minutes after he's woken up, and now he's worried Lydia will see that. Sure, she's seen him freaking out twice now, but it still seems like a big leap for their relationship. 

What if she can’t handle it? Stiles barely can on his own, and he’d definitely be running away if they weren’t a part of him. While that’s not an option for him… it definitely is for her.

"I… have nightmares, sometimes," Stiles finally says. "And I'm sorry if I wake you up in the middle of the night, accidentally." 

Lydia doesn't say anything. She's silent and considering she's the girl who has a genius-level IQ and impeccable fashion sense, Stiles wonders just how hard she's judging him. She still says nothing, but Stiles suddenly feels movement under the sheets and feels a hand grasp his own, and when he turns to look, he sees Lydia smiling at him. 

➵

Stiles bolts up this night at two in the morning. Luckily, he doesn't scream or shout, but Lydia apparently was lying on his chest - Oh, God - and the speed at which he rises is enough to accidentally shove her off. 

"Stiles?" 

Stiles is trying to control his breathing, but soon turns his attention to Lydia's groggy voice. "I'm sorry," he says quickly, whispering as if it'll help, despite her already being awake. "Go back to sleep, it's fine." 

But Lydia doesn't go back to sleep. Instead, she sits up beside him and starts to rub her hand over his back again, comforting and beautiful all at once. "Another nightmare?" She asks quietly.

Stiles is calming now, and he only nods a little before taking a deep breath. "This one was different though," he confesses slowly. "Y- you were there, this time."

Lydia's brow furrows and she looks concerned. Stiles knows it's probably her wondering if her staying with him didn't help but only made his nightmares worse and including her. "What happened?" 

"I was… in the pool, at the school. It's like when Derek and I were trapped there by the Kanima, but… it was the Nogitsune. All these bodies were floating, and I was having trouble swimming. The Nogitsune just kept saying these really God-awful things to me and I went under," Stiles pauses and looks at Lydia. "But you were there, under the water. You were telling me to relax and float and give myself time to think and then… I did. I closed my eyes and blocked it out and then when I opened them again the Nogitsune was gone. You were there at the edge of the pool and you pulled me up." 

Stiles sighs and sits back against the headboard, thinking as Lydia is silent beside him. One talk is all it took to save him from all his nightmares? How is that even possible? He then looks over at Lydia and sees her looking back. He examines her completely; flaming hair, doe eyes, open lips and all. She's beautiful, he thinks, and it's the first time he thinks of her that way in both the romantic sense and just the sense of being. Yes, he decides. Lydia Martin is a beautiful being. 

"I know I've told you before," he says slowly. "But I'd go out of my freaking mind without you." 

Lydia's worried expression softens and she smiles. She moves herself lower on the bed again and silently nestles herself into his side, resting her head on his chest again. Stiles worries she'll hear his heart threatening to thump out of his chest, but she says nothing but, "We wouldn't want that to happen."

And that's when Stiles feels himself letting go. Just like Lydia says, he's not drowning, but floating, and the break from the stress is okay. It's suddenly welcome, even. Lydia is truly the first outsider he's able to let in and reveal his vulnerability to since Scott. He can let himself fray and trip and stumble a little every now and then and he knows that Lydia will be there, and - God - he loves her so much.


End file.
